Haunted by MISERY an HATRED

Having miserable days,
Although i do not show on face,
But it's hidden deep in my heart.

Having sleepless nights,
Although i do sleep,
But in my sleep i thought of it.
Having nonchalant feelings,
Although i look fine,
But actually i am not fine.
Having hateful life,
Although i don't say it out,
But i feel it inside.

I SWEAR I WILL DIE IN MISERY...
HOUSE IS LIKE A PRISON TO ME..
I DON'T LIKE COMING HOME ANYMORE.........
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE HATRED IN ME>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>TILL I DIE!!!!!!!!

How do i feel?

Honestly, i could not describe my feelings now.. I don't feel happy, i don't feel sad, i don't feel anger.. nonchalant... What i do know is that i just want to carry on with my life and live as long as as like alone.. i would not want to depend on people, i would not want to put hope on people and i would not want to hurt anybody anymore.. Am i going to be happy the rest of my life? for the moment, my answer is a definite no but God knows better.. future's unpredictable so let bygone be bygone.....

Life is so meaningless

I feel damned..
I feel tired..
I feel depressed..
I feel anger..
I feel that i am doomed..
I feel so down..
I feel so disappointed..
I feel so regretful..
I feel so terrified..
I feel so miserable..
I feel like not living anymore..

Home is like a prison..
Hone is no more safe for me..
Home is terrible..
Home is disappointment..
Home is bitter no more sweet..
Home is hell..no freedom......

Am i given a choice?

No.. It seemed like i was being threaten and forced to do such decision..Me heart wants differently but i take the opposite road.. Now I am suffering.. I am doing so because of my parents.. i did it because "i need to take care of their dignity" but indirectly i am hurting myself.. i am so in pain... i really wish for a different result.. why? why? i feel that this is so unfair for me... i am big enough to do my own choice and decision.. being threaten is one thing..being beaten up is another thing... so depressed and so painful.. why must i always need to consider them? i have feelings too... do they know that this is hurting me.. It's not that i don't trust but don't tell me until i die every single thing must have permission from them.. this is so BULLSHIT and DAMN... life is different now...have to take their of their feelings and i am hurt... they are happy and i am depressed... I WILL NOT FORGIVE I SWEAR........

Issues, issues...issuess

No humans are the same...each of us has different thinking from the other.. No matter what there will always be opposites and it should be dealt with.. Indeed it is tough..it's a wonder to be able to make everyone think alike...nah...bullshit...if not why are there fights, misunderstandings, misconceptions and so on..what to do.. face it or die with it...solutions are there somehow..whether to use them or not..whether to be patience or not, whether to calm down or not.. whether to fight back or not, whether to defend or not, whether to shut up or not...whether..whether..whether..hmmmmm.. till when... ?????????

Gloomy gloomy gloom.....

I'm in misery..The silence is killing me..I wish i have the bravery to tell.. So much pain and so much torture..i really wanna spill as much as i could.. i really want to settle all the things..but i am so scared.. real damn scared...there are so much to be considered.. can't stop the nagging... can't stop people from scolding me.. wish i am alone.. far far away from the real world.. by myself.. i wish.........

What a day

Being a new teacher has many challenges..one of them is facing different kinds of people.. there are some who are dissatisfy of you, some who are good to you, some who are hypocritical, some who look up to you.. Whatever is it, must be strong to face all these kinds of people.. this is what working life is all about..sad to say, heart is broken but this is the reality.. need strength and support from good friends.. still life must go on...as long as work is done and responsibility is carried out successfully, they have nothing to say.. they are just not satisfied with u being able to work much more better than them..huhu... FACE IT!

A new start...

My life now is not ordinary anymore. Life is about teaching now. Teaching is the core business but there are more than that. It deals with responsibility, belief, decision making, patience and stability. Being mentally prepared is not enough. Need to be emotionally prepared as well. Thinking is not only at the surface but deeper and deeper because everything is on me... i do it so i must be responsible.. what's done is done.. mistakes should not be repeated but success should be proud of.. Must not take too much pride in a success and being average is good enough. Wish for many things but should be grateful of what i have or get..