Haunted by MISERY an HATRED

Having miserable days,
Although i do not show on face,
But it's hidden deep in my heart.

Having sleepless nights,
Although i do sleep,
But in my sleep i thought of it.
Having nonchalant feelings,
Although i look fine,
But actually i am not fine.
Having hateful life,
Although i don't say it out,
But i feel it inside.

I SWEAR I WILL DIE IN MISERY...
HOUSE IS LIKE A PRISON TO ME..
I DON'T LIKE COMING HOME ANYMORE.........
THERE WILL ALWAYS BE HATRED IN ME>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>TILL I DIE!!!!!!!!

How do i feel?

Honestly, i could not describe my feelings now.. I don't feel happy, i don't feel sad, i don't feel anger.. nonchalant... What i do know is that i just want to carry on with my life and live as long as as like alone.. i would not want to depend on people, i would not want to put hope on people and i would not want to hurt anybody anymore.. Am i going to be happy the rest of my life? for the moment, my answer is a definite no but God knows better.. future's unpredictable so let bygone be bygone.....

Life is so meaningless

I feel damned..
I feel tired..
I feel depressed..
I feel anger..
I feel that i am doomed..
I feel so down..
I feel so disappointed..
I feel so regretful..
I feel so terrified..
I feel so miserable..
I feel like not living anymore..

Home is like a prison..
Hone is no more safe for me..
Home is terrible..
Home is disappointment..
Home is bitter no more sweet..
Home is hell..no freedom......

Am i given a choice?

No.. It seemed like i was being threaten and forced to do such decision..Me heart wants differently but i take the opposite road.. Now I am suffering.. I am doing so because of my parents.. i did it because "i need to take care of their dignity" but indirectly i am hurting myself.. i am so in pain... i really wish for a different result.. why? why? i feel that this is so unfair for me... i am big enough to do my own choice and decision.. being threaten is one thing..being beaten up is another thing... so depressed and so painful.. why must i always need to consider them? i have feelings too... do they know that this is hurting me.. It's not that i don't trust but don't tell me until i die every single thing must have permission from them.. this is so BULLSHIT and DAMN... life is different now...have to take their of their feelings and i am hurt... they are happy and i am depressed... I WILL NOT FORGIVE I SWEAR........